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Q&A: Jewish joke!………?

Question by sharkee: Jewish joke!………?
Jewish grandmother sitting on the beach with her grandson hes making a castle,
suddenly a tidal wave comes in and sweeps the kid out to sea.
Grandma looks up to god and starts begging “please god not my only grandson hes all ive got please please bring him back”
Second tidal wave comes in and washes the kid right back up to her feet unharmed he carries on playing
Jewish grandma looks up to god and shouts ” He had a hat!! !”

Best answer:

Answer by I ate the fish!
Lmao!!!! I like that

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5 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - October 9, 2010 at 5:04 am

Categories: Beach Hats   Tags: ,

How do I get this girl at my camp to just shut up?

Question by Jasmine.: How do I get this girl at my camp to just shut up?
There is this girl that I go to summer camp with, and the summer camp is in my town, and she lives in a town about 20 minutes from here. I’m a 9th grader and she’s in 8th, and somehow she knows all the “Hot Guys” (if she truly knew how these guys acted, she’d think twice about them) from my grade! She knows where they live, who they go out with, who they hang out with, and other weird stuff. She says she learns their information because she goes on their facebook, but how does she know every detail? I thought that was stalker-ish.
Not only that, she is boy crazy. Whenever we go to the beach or an amusement park at camp, she will try and flirt with all the hot guys like say “Hey, I like your hat!” or “Hey you’re hot!” And yes they are hot and all, but its rather embarrasing because she is embarassing the group. And when she does make advances with flirting with random guys, like get their numbers and stuff, she’ll make a big deal about it saying stuff like, “OMG andy is calling me!!! he totally wants to hang out with me oh my god” and blah blah blah…
She also bought a “free hugs” tee shirt the other day so whenever we go somewhere she will ask all the cute guys “can i have a hug?!” then they will hug her and she’ll brag and say “OMG THAT TOTALLY HOTT GUY JUST GAVE ME A HUG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!”
And, I’m not even gonna lie, I’m pretty sure she hates me. We hang out with the same people, and when me and my friends wanna hang out, she’ll find some excuse to not have me in it. We usually split up into groups when we go somewhere, so I’ll join her group with our friends and she’ll say “Why is Jasmine in our group we have too many people you have to leave!!” but then my friends will say “But we promised Jasmine we’d have her in our group!!” then she’ll make up a random excuse because she wanted to “meet hot guys” and everyone in our group would go after them except for me because I dont want to embarrass myself.
You’d think from what I just described, she’d be attractive, right?
Wrong. She has a face full of acne, braces, glasses, a pig nose, wild curly hair, and she is…for lack of a better word, overweight. She gets mad at me every time a guy would notice me and not her, and to be honest, I dont blame them…I dont scream and holler in the middle of the street to get guys to like me, I want them to come to me, not me go to them. I try to explain that to her, but then she just says “Shut up, you’re no fun anyway!!”
My question is…how do I get her to just…calm down?! She is getting really annoying and rather embarrassing when we are in large groups of people. What do I do?

Best answer:

Answer by Martin
go up to her and tell her “shut the hell up!”

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10 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - at 2:10 am

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Greatest love is grandma’s?

Question by sprinting_turtle: Greatest love is grandma’s?
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.

She pleads, “please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.

She glances around and looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!” (Myron Cohen)

Best answer:

Answer by Country Girl
cute!!

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Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by - October 6, 2010 at 9:07 am

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Q&A: Would it be possible to construct a type of railroad/subway system throughout the whole island of Puerto Rico?

Question by Dametra: Would it be possible to construct a type of railroad/subway system throughout the whole island of Puerto Rico?
I know that in the “metro” part of the island PR does in fact have subways and buses. I am from Aguadilla. I was born in Aguadilla but moved to NY when I was just 2 weeks old. So i pretty much have lived the ” city life” and its so easy to move around with so much public transportation. In the “isla” part of Puerto Rico ( as many would put it, another thing i don’t understand much, Why call it isla? when the whole thing is an island .) We don’t have public transportation other then the ” carro publico” which i don’t really like much. I mean its convenient but to an extent. What if I want to get to Mayaguez for example? I can’t just get on a carro publico and go. They have certain places they travel to and I believe that after 3:30 or 4:00 PM they no longer are running. I would also have to get in to a car/ van full of strangers and the vehicle won’t leave if it isn’t full . Some times I may not want to be surrounded by strangers, and have the convenience to travel to different places or town’s that others may not have the need/ interest to go to. I believe the whole city could make so much money off public transportation. Not only subways but taxis ( yes they have some, but they all stay at the airport to pick up travelers ). Life would be so much more fun in PR if the west side was to get some sort of reliable 24/7 public transportation. I really don’t think it would ever happen . However, I would like to know what other Puerto Ricans think. Do you think the rest of the island should get some sort of public transportation? and/or even Private cab service? I personally think it would be super convenient being that everyone needs a car in PR and not everyone can have a car, for various personal reasons. When I use to live in PR and study in la Inter, I had one professor tell me that they had plans to build a Disney Land next to the Aguadilla airport but that the surrounding neighborhood and even Puerto Ricans from other towns opposed the idea. People need to wake up and smell the coffee… DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY THAT WAS? THE WHOLE ISLAND COULD HAVE BENEFITED FROM THAT. WE MAY NOT HAVE EVEN BEEN IN SUCH A GREAT ECONOMIC DOWNFALL IN PR. PR’S #1 ECONOMIC SOURCE IS TRAVEL AND HOSPITALITY!!!! THEY EVEN TRIED TO CONSTRUCT A CLUB MED, BUT COULDN’T BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN IT WAS OPPOSED BY THE SAME PEOPLE. THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A “DISCO CLUB” WHEN REALLY ALL IT IS…IS A VACATION RESORT…. IGNORANCE WILL GET PEOPLE NO WHERE. I really would like for the island to push ahead and be better off, but if we don’t invest in it how will we ever better the island? Come on people lets share our island a bit, just cause you share it doesn’t mean your gonna lose any cultural value or anything. Plus we should be proud of our island, so proud that we should even show it off a bit and keep the natural beauty of it alive. YES, I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU GUYS THAT WE NEED TO KEEP THE BEACH CLEAN!! WE ARE LOSING TOURIST BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF KEEPING THEM CLEAN. IF YOUR GONNA “DO IT” PLEASE DISPOSE OF THE “HAT” WHERE IT’S SUPPOSE TO BE DISPOSED OF… MEANING OFF PUBLIC LOCATIONS ESPECIALLY THE BEACH!! And ladies PLEASE DON’T GO TO THE BEACH AND THROW YOUR NASTY PADS ON THE BEACH… WHEN I FIRST SAW THAT I WAS LIKE EWWW.. WHY EVEN DO THAT? We really are in great need of money…and of the public transportation !!!! So do you guys think we should include a public transportation / private cab service throughout the “isla” part of Puerto Rico?

I really mean no offence to anyone. I think it came off a little strong, for that I am sorry. I am not sorry for what i said. I really think it is a shame that we can’t clean up our island and keep the beauty of it alive and share it. I also think we are in lack of transportation. Both the transportation and the perseverance of our island and construction of well known resorts and such… would really help PR a great deal. I LOVE MY ISLAND AND HATE TO SEE IT SUFFER BUT WE NEED TO START DEPENDING ON OURSELVES AND NOT OFF OTHERS FOR A CHANGE.

*********** SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG LOL *********************
Who said i was in PR at this very moment? I’m no longer in PR. Maybe you should try and read a bit more. Another thing, PR right now receives 30,000,000 from foreign countries including the U.S, and Europe. Not to mention “los cupones” where does that come from? Not P.R … the U.S.A and from that 30,000,000 that PR is given…. 30,000,000,000 has to be given back to the investing countries. P.R is already Americanized as it is. Or are you gonna tell me that Mcdonalds is a Puerto Rican restaurant, and that Burger king, wendy’s, Job Corps, even la inter wasn’t founded by a Puerto Rican. Even the stores you have aren’t from Puerto Rico… example… Walmart, Pac Sun Journeys… even stores with Spanish names aren’t from P.R .Stop being so damn ignorant. NO BODY WAS ATTACKING THE ISLAND. It’s people like you too who really need to take the “pride” down a notch cause its obviously is blinding you from finding out all that information and is clearly not letting you understand things correct

Best answer:

Answer by Como Y Vete
Yo boricua. Unlike you, I was born in Estados Uniods, but now reside in Carolina. I also believe in La Lucha. I have witnessed firsthand traveling Estadso Unidos what a consumer, capitalist culture can do to people. Need proof of how that destroys cultures-Native Americans, Black Americans, Italians, etc. ALL now have LITTLE IF ANY ties to their culture. I support Los Macheteros. The pro statehood party has had how many people jailed for corruption-40, 50? And yet so many people think the majority here are turning to statehood. You see what’s happening at UPRP now? NOW IS THE TIME to expose these frauds and push for an independent Puerto Rico! To preserve OUR OWN CULTURE, OUR OWN LANGUAGE, AND OUR OWN FAMILY WAYS! We DON’T NEED more Yanki capitalists moving in with Starbucks, Disney Land, condos, forcing everyone to be Americanized. Then we’ll have everyone on prescription pills, selling their people out for Blackberries and ipods, dysfunctional families, rampant racism, etc. and WE DON’T NEED THAT! We might have economic problems, but isn’t this happening UNDER CAPITALIST LEADERSHIP? Yanki, GO HOME!

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2 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - October 4, 2010 at 9:17 pm

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Any of these any good?


by YanivG

Question by Jake5282: Any of these any good?
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannic. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $ 1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows ****ing everything.

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “Saul, sell your business.” He ignores it. It goes on for days. “Saul, sell your business for $ 3 million.” After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas.” He asks why. “Saul, take the $ 3 million to Las Vegas.” He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, “Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand.” He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. “Saul, take a card.” What? The dealer has — “Take a card!” He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “Saul, take another card.” What? “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “Saul, take another card,” the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!” booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: “un-****ing-believable!”

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!”

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “Are you gonna play golf?” he asks “Or are you just gonna **** around?”

Best answer:

Answer by Abu
They’re alright. The second one didn’t even have a punch-line!

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7 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - at 9:13 am

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I thought this was a guddun?


by Okinawa Soba

Question by Anto: I thought this was a guddun?
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to
keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walked past and said, snickering, “If you were a gentleman you’d
lift your hat.”

He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly it would lift
itself.”

Best answer:

Answer by dajesusmang
Not bad.

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6 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - at 6:13 am

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